10 Things Every Birthmother Wants Adoptive Parents To Know

by Patricia Dischler Patricia Dischler is an author, professional speaker and consultant helping those who care for and about children to make a difference. Learn more at www.patriciadischler.com. I often told my son’s adoptive mother how much I loved her and was thankful she was a part of my life. But, like many things I’ve told her over the years, Kathy would already know. Back in 1985 I chose open adoption for my son. Being a birthmother has changed my life forever, and I know that becoming an adoptive parent changed Kathy’s too. We’ve traveled the road of adoption together, with respect and honesty. We’ve shared our hopes, our fears

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When Your Child’s Birth Mother Is Pregnant Again

by Michele Fried In June of 1990 my husband and I learned that our oldest son had a half biological sibling that was being placed for adoption. We experienced a great deal of emotions learning of the news and making the life altering decision to grow our family when we were not planning for another child at that time. For us, it became the greatest blessing to add this magnificent child to our family. However, having experienced it personally I am familiar with some of the reactions our clients have had over the years when they learn that their child’s birth mother is pregnant again. I have seen reactions spanning

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Meeting Janice

by Michele Fried She was beautiful. She peered over her black framed lenses as we entered the room. A magazine was opened on her lap and she quietly closed it to greet us. I remember thinking that she looked like a secretary in a hospital gown. She looked so well kept and fresh. Her dark soft hair was pinned up on top of her head and her clear complexion required no cosmetics. I peered into her eyes and introduced myself and wondered, where was the woman the hospital told me about? I began softly as I always do, speaking first about the call we received and what we have been

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A Simple Idea Makes A Big Impact

by Michele Fried It was a simple nice idea. The birth mother support group was meeting regularly and we thought it would be neat to have a holiday party instead of a support group meeting in December. Honestly we had a personal goal of recruiting at least three birth mothers to attend this party. We wanted to target birth mothers who are currently raising other children. In that way, the women could attend the party with their children and the agency staff could act as Secret Santa’s for the children. A flyer was prepared and all the agency’s birth moms were invited. The flyer promised that we would provide transportation,

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Torie’s Story

by Michele Fried Michele Fried shares the story of a birth mother and her husband who had to navigate difficult emotional challenges when they placed their daughter for adoption. An after hours call came in, "Torie called and asked to speak to someone about placing a baby for adoption", reported the answering service. I called her back and for the first time ever, heard a woman explain how good her genes are and how she excelled in school and that she would be a prime candidate to place a baby for adoption. I laughed and told her that I appreciated all the information but that it was not necessary. "It’s

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Coincidence or Divine Intervention

by Michele Fried Years ago, I wrote an article that stemmed from a family conversation about whether things are simply coincidence or fate. I interviewed several clients on the topic and ended up with so much more then I expected. In my field of work, it is one where miracles “seem” to happen. I simply have witnessed some pretty extraordinary events. However, rather than sharing my own experiences or those I have seen, let me share the collection of experiences that clients shared with me on the debate between “coincidence or divine intervention” ~ which is it? The Power of Prayer An anonymous adoptive mom wrote, “I wanted to be a

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The Power of Words

by Michele Fried Those of you, who know me well, know I love quotes. I guess I am a quote collector if there is such a thing. I love quotes from famous people and from those known by just a few. I love words and the meanings they possess. I love how sometimes just a few words can affect so many people and give them insight and inspiration. I was reading something my cousin wrote to his daughter. He posted it on her blog. His daughter is 26 and lives overseas as she is in what some consider the holy land studying to become a clergy. He writes to her

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Miranda’s Truth

by Michele Fried Miranda called and we spoke at length. She explained that she was raising her two year old son, living with her mom and that she is pregnant again. She asked for an appointment and asked if it was okay if her mom came with her. A few days later Miranda and her mom came in to meet with me. They asked many questions and I gave many answers. I liked them right away and it appeared they connected with me. I was struck by how much they knew about adoption – pretty odd I thought for a young pregnant woman. When I mentioned this to them Miranda’s

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Jessica* was the first…

*name has been changed by Michele Fried I’ll never forget that day in September. The agency was barely six months old and apparently my cell phone was ringing and ringing but some how I missed the calls. Apparently hours later, I noticed I missed several calls and went into a frenzy realizing that a local hospital was trying to reach me. The messages were friendly at first. “Hello, remember me? We met at the in-service you conducted recently. We have a young woman who would like to meet you.” Then the messages got a bit frantic (similar to how I was feeling by then) saying, “Are you out there? Are

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Eleanor

by Michele Fried Eleanor’s story begins and ends in Niagara Falls, New York. When Eleanor was born she went home with her birth parents, their first child. The newborn made her father very happy. He loved to hold her and smell her and talk to her. But taking care of Eleanor became too difficult for him because his wife needed more attention then the young baby. Liz was diagnosed with Schizophrenia and she was not good at taking her medication – it became too much for a young man like Philip to handle. When Philip, Jr. was born, however it made things all the more challenging. Somehow Liz never smiled

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