How To Address Adoption with Grandparents ~ From Both Adoptive Parents and Birth Parents

by Michele Fried I remember countless stories of expectant parents I met with over the years who cried at the thought of sharing with their parent or parents that they were pregnant.  It had nothing to do with their age.  I sat with young teens and women in their forties who just were frightened or embarrassed to share the news.  Of course if they weren’t going to share the news that they were pregnant, sharing an adoption plan was out of the question. What is it about parental support that is so important to us no matter how old we are?  For those women who allowed themselves the peace of

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Children Learn From Parents’ Messages

by Michele Fried The adoptive mother of a Caucasian little boy sent me a note recently, “The moment for me that really brought home the idea of “adoption as a melting pot” was when I was at the agency picnic and overheard two big tough dads– both Caucasian– discussing hair tips for their African American children! Just another way that adoption makes life more interesting and wonderful.” This mom continued to say that she often hears that her son looks like her husband. While that is a wonderful compliment, she stated that many people then add that “it was meant to be” because they look alike. “We usually chuckle and

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When and How to Discuss Adoption with Children Already in the Home

by Michele Fried When: When to tell a child already in the home that you are planning to adopt is an answer you will need to decide on your own.  This is very personal and it also depends on the age and development of your child(ren) at home as well as their personalities. For very young children such as toddlers and preschoolers, it may be best to wait until you are more certain an adoption may take place.  Mostly because a very young child will ask daily, “when will the baby come home?”  Look at the “how” suggestions below and cover these with your young child, but be aware to

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Eighteen Years Later: An Adoption Story

by Michele Fried Our adoption journey was one filled with great ups and downs.  The first potential match fell through before it came to be when I surprised my husband at our celebration dinner at our favorite restaurant by saying I did not want to be matched with this pregnant woman.  Why?  I remember quite a bit of information about her even today and though there was nothing specific about her or her background that made me say no, it just didn’t feel right.  So I said no.  Saying no was hard, but it was the right decision. Our next match we accepted.  It was exciting as we received updates

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Going through the Adoption Process

by Michele Fried Many pregnant women considering adoption (expectant parents) wonder what the process is like for prospective adoptive parents. When prospective adoptive parents walk through the doors of Adoption STAR, just like our expectant parents, they first meet with an agency staff person to get to know each other. They also have paperwork to fill out to become a client and then they have more paperwork to complete for a process known as a “home study” which is an assessment process one must go through to be considered as adoptive parents. No one can adopt a child without first successfully completing a home study. The home study is actually

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Choosing To Go To Holland

by Michele Fried “Welcome to Holland,” was written by Emily Pearl Kingsley many years ago in an effort to assist people who have learned the child they are parenting has a disability.  Though the poem focused on the topic of coming to view raising a child with a disability in a new light, the adapted poem below focuses on infertility and the unexpected feelings it brings and how adoption may end up being a richer and more rewarding path. When you’re planning to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. You may learn

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When Your Child’s Birth Mother Is Pregnant Again

by Michele Fried In June of 1990 my husband and I learned that our oldest son had a half biological sibling that was being placed for adoption. We experienced a great deal of emotions learning of the news and making the life altering decision to grow our family when we were not planning for another child at that time. For us, it became the greatest blessing to add this magnificent child to our family. However, having experienced it personally I am familiar with some of the reactions our clients have had over the years when they learn that their child’s birth mother is pregnant again. I have seen reactions spanning

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Bonding and Adoptive Parenthood

by Michele Fried Bonding is an intense attachment that develops between parents and their baby. It makes parents shower their baby with love and affection. Scientists are fascinated by bonding and know that bonding is essential for babies. What is neat to learn is that an infant is ready to bond immediately. Parents, on the other hand, may have a mixture of feelings. Some new parents claim when they laid eyes on their baby that they fell in love “at first sight.” For others, whether they have given birth or adopted, the bonding process took a bit longer. I read some place that “bonding is a by-product of everyday care

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Surrogacy Decision Discussed

by Michele Fried I feel it is important to stay up to date on current topics in the news related to adoption and all related to it. Employees and clients of Adoption STAR often share articles with each other to keep abreast of these topics. I am sure you have seen us blog about many newsworthy topics. On March 19, I sent the following statement to the staff of Adoption STAR via e-mail. The statement was based on an article published online. Though I did not send the article to the staff, just the following statement: On Mar 19, 2013, at 4:35 PM, Michele Fried wrote: Very interesting… The Ramat

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Muslim and Adoption

by Michele Fried Years ago I sat across a couple describing their desire to become parents and the losses they experienced in their attempt to have a child biologically. I watched as slowly the husband moved his hand to touch the hand of his wife while she tried to hold back tears. I remember being so caught up with this small compassionate gesture and became choked up. It isn’t hard to be touched by the simple loving gestures between family members, but in this case it surprised me because the wife was wearing a burqa (the enveloping outer garment worn by some in the Islamic tradition.) For religious Muslims, public

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