Miranda called and we spoke at length. She explained that she was raising her two year old son, living with her mom and that she is pregnant again. She asked for an appointment and asked if it was okay if her mom came with her. A few days later Miranda and her mom came in to meet with me. They asked many questions and I gave many answers. I liked them right away and it appeared they connected with me. I was struck by how much they knew about adoption – pretty odd I thought for a young pregnant woman. When I mentioned this to them Miranda’s mother told me she was a social worker and Miranda explained it by saying that she had a close friend who placed her baby for adoption and worked with a private attorney. When I asked if she knew which attorney, she hesitantly gave me her name. I wondered why Miranda did not contact the attorney her friend had worked with and so I asked. Miranda and her mother looked at each other and then gasped and said the friend had an awful time working with this attorney.
We moved on to other topics and spoke about selecting an adoptive family and keeping in touch with the child and family after placement. Miranda seemed to think this route was the best for her, wanting her son to be able to have a relationship with the new baby.
At our next meeting, Miranda’s mom was quieter than she was the first meeting. It was evident she wanted her daughter to take the lead and eventually Miranda did. Miranda was brave when she took a deep breath and said she was not completely honest with me at our first meeting. She began to explain that she did not have a friend who placed a baby for adoption but rather she was referring to herself. She did not place her son for adoption but worked with an attorney during her first pregnancy to make an adoption plan. She had intended to place him and her mother was supportive but she could not find the strength necessary to do so once she gave birth. She said the attorney did not handle the news well and she felt awful for disappointing the attorney and the prospective adoptive couple. She apologized for not telling me the whole story.
I told Miranda there was no need to apologize that as relationships develop trust will come in time. Miranda explained that she thought all adoption people were like the attorney she worked with and she was initially intimidated. She said when she and her mom got in the car after the first appointment they both realized their experience visiting our office was very different then their first meeting with the attorney. They were impressed with the office itself and the fact that there were pre and post counseling and support available. Miranda was very excited about also being provided with the opportunity to tailor make her adoption.
Miranda gave birth right on her due date! She was more prepared for the intense love she would feel for this new arrival. She cried and laughed, hugged and kissed the new baby and took lots of photos. She remained incredibly set on her adoption plan. By then she had met the adoptive couple several times and knew this was the best decision for not only this new baby but for the son she was raising and for herself.
Today Miranda keeps in touch, reminisces about the past and continues to be clear that when you feel uncomfortable with the person you are working with that a change is necessary. She wonders aloud if she had worked with Adoption STAR years before if she would have placed her son for adoption. I remind her that she is where she is supposed to be for a reason and sometimes the adoption journey takes us different places. We are both happy that her journey brought us together.